You Beautiful Thing

It has been said of the unseen army of the dead, on their everlasting march, that when they are passing a rural cricket ground, the Englishmen fall out of the ranks for a moment to lean over a gate and smile

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Twelfth man.

If you hear Richie Benaud, Tony Grieg, Bill Lawry a lot you will get this.

The Twelfth Man is the name for a series of comedy productions by Australian satirist Billy Birmingham. Hez a skilled impersonator, is generally known for parodying Australian sports commentator's voices. As befits the name (a reference to the non-playing reserve in a cricket side), Birmingham particularly focuses oncricket commentators. This is also due to the fact that many of Australia's cricket commentators have distinctive and easily-identifiable voices and accents.

The commentators (and their respective characters) in Twelfth Man recordings include:

  • Richie Benaud - the almost tyrannical Commentary Team Captain, with a penchant for "Cream, bone, ivory, white, off-white or beige" jackets and order within his team
  • Tony Greig - a balding South African-accented (so heavily that he borders on incomprehensible at times) commentator
  • Bill Lawry - Tony's nemesis, a man with an unusually large nose (as a result of a childhood bout with "proboscitis") and an abiding and one-eyed love of the state of Victoria, leg-spinner Shane Warne and Australia (which he pronounces "Straya")
  • Ian Chappell - a very laid-back man who is incapable of saying a sentence without the word "um" or "ah"
  • Simon O'Donnell - a deep-voiced commentator with a similar problem to that of Chappell
  • Mark Taylor - a younger commentator who speaks very rapidly and uses a lot of jargon
The increasing number of new camera angles and indicators of conditions in televised cricket is also parodied, with Greig's pitch reports often talking about "Crack Cam" (a camera physically placed within a crack in the pitch) and the "Scrotometer" (a microphone, temperature and sweat gauge attached to the scrotum of the batsman).

There are also a number of running jokes in the series, often referenced in lines delivered by one or more characters. Many of these have become cult lines among fans of the series. Lawry, for example, often argues with Greig during their commentary and punctuates wickets with the line "He's gone! Yes! Got him! Stick that up your arse Tony Greig!" (a reference to Lawry's real-life line "Got him! Yes! Gone!"). Greig, on the other hand, is well-known for his comment (in both recordings and real life) that a ball has been hit "right off the meat of the bat". In one recording, Benaud informs him that this statement is becoming a stereotype, giving rise to alternative versions such as "Right off the meat...spot...that's the middle of the sweet spot" and "Right off the mmmmiddle of the bat - I didn't say 'meat'".

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